Respecting and understanding autistic people at every age

Sawera Ahmed, Legal Assistant, discusses her own experiences of Autism within her family.

Imagine welcoming your baby brother into the world five years ago, full of excitement about teaching him words, playing games, and speaking about your day. You picture endless conversations and laughter. But as the years pass, you notice that things are different. He does not respond the way you expected. He may not look at you when you call his name, or he flaps his hands and jumps continuously when he is excited. Sometimes, he seems to be in his own world, and you wonder why he does not talk to you the way other children do.

You learn that he is autistic. Suddenly, the pieces start to fit. The silence is not because he does not want to connect, it is because his brain works differently. His language may come slowly, or he may use other ways to communicate, like pointing, gestures, or even technology. He might have special interests that light up his whole face when he sees it, or routines that give him comfort when the world feels overwhelming.

It can be hard; watching other kids communicate easily with their siblings while you are still waiting to hear “I love you” aloud. But you begin to see that your brother is talking to you, just not always with words. In the way he takes your hand, the way he smiles when you play his favourite song, or how he sits close when he trusts you. His world is unique, and being his sibling means learning a new language of love and patience.

Whether you are a legal professional, educator, healthcare worker or simply a member of the public, it is vital to approach autistic individuals with respect, patience and understanding. For lawyers, it is crucial to recognise how autism may affect a person’s experience of legal systems and processes. By tailoring communication and providing support, we can work towards a more inclusive and just society.

Early Childhood (Ages 0–5)

During the early years, signs of autism may appear through differences in social engagement, communication, and play. Some children may have delayed or absent speech, prefer repetitive activities, or show strong interest in objects rather than people. Others may react sensitively to lights, sounds, or textures. Adults should be patient and responsive, allowing children to communicate in the ways most natural to them, whether through gestures, sounds, or alternative communication tools. Most importantly, eye contact should not be forced.

While Autism can sometimes be identified as early as age two, many children are not formally diagnosed until around school age. This can lead to misunderstandings, behaviours may be seen as “naughty,” attributed to ADHD, or blamed on parenting challenges, when in fact they may be early signs of autism.

From a personal perspective, my family experienced this when my brother attended a mainstream nursery between the ages of two and four. We were often told that he was not engaging, running off, or refusing to take part, and he often had meltdowns that seemed unexplainable at the time. It often felt as though we were being blamed for his behaviour, even though we were doing our best to navigate an unfamiliar and emotional situation without a clear diagnosis. My brother was eventually diagnosed with autism at age four, and following his diagnosis, people began to understand his behaviours and needs far better. Having that formal recognition helped others see that his actions were not due to poor behaviour or parenting, but part of how he experiences and interacts with the world.

On a lighter note, I often say I first realised my brother was autistic thanks to EastEnders, after watching Linda and Mick’s son, Ollie a few years back! Sometimes, awareness and understanding come from the most unexpected places.

Legal professionals and social workers should be mindful that autism may be undiagnosed in young children. Where concerns arise, they can seek assessments through court processes or request specialist input. Even without a confirmed diagnosis, support should focus on creating calm, predictable environments and approaches that meet each child’s individual needs, helping them feel safe, understood, and supported.

Primary School Age (Ages 5–11)

As autistic children enter primary school, they begin to navigate more complex social and academic environments. While some may thrive in mainstream education, others may receive help from more support or specialist provision. It is important to remember that no two autistic children are alike. Some may be highly verbal and academically gifted but struggle with social communication or sensory regulation. Others may use alternative methods of communication such as assistive technology or sign language.

In practice, certain forms of support can make a significant difference to a child’s development and wellbeing. For example, the involvement of an Educational Psychologist can help show a child’s strengths and challenges, informing strategies to support learning and emotional regulation. An Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) is particularly valuable in ensuring that proper support and reasonable adjustments are in place both in school and at home.

From a personal perspective, my brother’s experience illustrates the importance of early and targeted intervention. When he was placed in a specialist unit within his nursery, the staff were incredibly supportive in helping us secure an EHCP to identify his needs and plan for his future education. This proactive approach was instrumental in ensuring he received a school placement tailored to his needs, as well as in easing his formal diagnosis. Having an EHCP in place has helped him enormously, and it continues to be a crucial reference point for professionals involved in his care and education.

By understanding and utilising tools such as EHCPs and professional assessments, legal and social work professionals can better advocate for autistic children, ensuring that their educational pathways are inclusive, supportive, and designed to help them thrive.

Teenage Years (Ages 13–19)

The teenage years can be particularly challenging for autistic individuals, as they become more aware of their differences and feel pressure to fit in. Many autistic teenagers mask their natural behaviours, suppressing or disguising traits to meet social expectations. This can be exhausting and emotionally harmful. Masking often contributes to anxiety, depression, or burnout, particularly in environments that are overstimulating or do not accommodate their needs.

Insights from a YoungMinds case study of a late-diagnosed autistic teen highlight how overwhelming school environments, strict timetables, and crowded communal spaces can leave young people feeling stuck or left behind. Many invest enormous energy in masking their difficulties to keep up with peers, which can intensify stress and impact mental health. Once diagnosed, teens often experience relief and a sense of closure, understanding that their challenges stem from neurodivergence rather than personal failure.

Treating autistic teenagers as individuals with their own rights and opinions and involving them in decisions that affect their lives is crucial. Early recognition, tailored support, and accommodations can significantly reduce stress and promote wellbeing during these formative years.

Adulthood (Ages 20–64)

Autistic adults are diverse in their experiences, identities, and needs. Some live fully independent lives, while others require support with daily living or decision-making. Many continue to face barriers in employment, housing, healthcare, and access to justice. Discrimination and misunderstanding remain common, particularly in professional settings where expectations around communication and behaviour are rigid or unclear. Communication should be clear, respectful, and adapted to the individual’s preferences. Many autistic adults prefer written communication, use alternative methods, or require reasonable adjustments such as quiet meeting spaces, softer lighting, or regular breaks. Autistic adults should be treated as equals and consulted on how best to accommodate their needs.

There is also growing recognition of how autism presents differently in women and girls. For decades, diagnostic criteria were shaped around stereotypically “male” traits, meaning many women were overlooked or misdiagnosed. My family and I have attended seminars where this has been discussed in depth, and experts have highlighted how women are often better at masking the signs of autism, consciously or unconsciously adapting their behaviour to fit social expectations. While this can help them blend in, it often delays diagnosis and contributes to mental health challenges later in life.

Actor and writer Molly Siobhan Parker, diagnosed at age 22, is one of a growing number of women receiving a diagnosis in adulthood. She has spoken about the pressures of masking throughout school and university until reaching burnout, when “it all blows up” and becomes impossible to maintain. This late recognition can bring both relief and sadness: relief in finally understanding oneself, and grief for years spent feeling misunderstood.

Greater awareness of how autism manifests in women and girls is essential for all professionals, including those in law and social care. Recognising that autism may be undiagnosed or present differently across genders ensures that autistic adults receive fair treatment, proper adjustments, and the understanding they deserve.

Universal best practices

Autism presents differently across the lifespan, but some principles are universal. Always assume competence, communicate clearly, and tailor support to individual needs. Include autistic people in decisions that affect them, centre their voices, and respect their autonomy. Awareness, understanding, and patience can make a profound difference in the lives of autistic children, teenagers, and adults.

On a personal note, my brother has been a constant source of love, joy, and inspiration. Watching him navigate the world with his curiosity, resilience, and unique sense of humour has filled our lives with laughter and pride. His kindness, creativity, and determination shine through in everything he does, reminding me that autism is only one part of a wonderfully rich and complex person. Loving and supporting him has taught me patience, empathy, and the beauty of celebrating differences. Every day with him is a gift, and he shows me, in countless little ways, how understanding, care, and acceptance can allow someone to truly flourish.

The contents of this article are for the purposes of general awareness only. They do not purport to constitute legal or professional advice. The law may have changed since this article was published. Readers should not act on the basis of the information included and should take appropriate professional advice upon their own particular circumstances.