The impact of bereavement on children in care proceedings

Death and bereavement are topics which people can often be hesitant to discuss but those working in family law are highly likely to encounter it within their work at one stage or another. Family is law perhaps the most human focused area of law and all people will experience grief as part of their lives.  However, despite the universality of the experience, both practitioners and clients alike can struggle with navigating the topic or knowing what to say particularly where there is a bereaved child involved who may have lost a parent or sibling in tragic circumstances.

We were very pleased to be able to shed light on some of the issues surrounding this topic at a recent seminar. We welcomed a panel of knowledgeable speakers with experience across both the legal sector as well as front line work who were able to offer their insight as to how bereaved children in particular can be best supported.

Our panel was made of up Liz Hudson, from the bereavement charity Winston’s Wish, Dr Jenny Murray, a child and adolescent clinical psychologist and experienced expert witness in the family courts and Matthew Jeary, a former Cafcass guardian and current Independent Social Worker. The panel was chaired by Zahra Manji, Senior Associate at Miles & Partners.

The broad spectrum of experience enabled the panel to offer unique and varied insights into a complex topic through a discussion of case studies and open conversation. Some key themes from the discission are summarised below.

Response to grief is different for everyone

Some children may cope very well with a loss while others may struggle and there is no “one size fits all”. The circumstances surrounding the death may also impact the child. For example, if a family member has been ill, they may have experienced pre-bereavement or difficulties leading up to the death. In other cases, they may have experienced a sudden and unexpected loss.

It is not unusual to see behavioural changes in a child and this can be a natural way for them to process a death of a loved one. Sometimes people may immediately rush children to bereavement counselling when they see these behavioural changes but this may not be necessary straight away. It can be better to give a bit of breathing space before a child is referred to a counsellor so they can see if it will be helpful. Older children should be allowed to make this decision on their own as it is unlikely to assist them if they don’t want to go.

Grief is an ongoing process, bereaved children will become bereaved adults and will deal with their loss throughout their life.

Psychological and psychiatric assessments

The pressure and restriction of legal proceedings can create a tendency to seek an expert assessment of a child in the hope it will provide a definitive answer as to what support that child needs.

In reality, an assessment can only capture that one moment in time. A child is likely to have a network of support around them such as family members, foster carers, teachers and/or other professionals who can provide different support in the long-term. These people may be able to offer more insight as to what that child needs and how they are coping with the loss.

Sometimes an expert opinion will be necessary but a child may not always need a separate assessment by a new professional they are not familiar with when they are already going through the stress of bereavement and legal proceedings.

Practical support

Care planning for children in ongoing care proceedings can often fail to address practical measures surrounding death.

For example, making sure that a child is aware of any funeral arrangements and that they are supported to attend if they wish to do so. If they cannot or do not want to attend a funeral there should be further discussions with them about what they might wish to do to preserve memory such as visiting a grave or a place that is meaningful to them. This can often intersect with cultural and religious practices which may be important to a family or child at the time of a death and should be considered.

Another practical point is making sure that professionals involved in the young person’s life are aware of their bereavement and equipped to discuss it if necessary. This can even include small points like recording information on language the young person uses to refer to their loved one so everyone knows who is being referred to.

There also needs to be consideration of the loss in long-term care planning. Children who lose a parent or a sibling very young may not have specific memory of the event but work to help them talk about or understand what happened in the future is important.

Further resources

Winston’s Wish is a charity which offers free grief support to children and young people https://winstonswish.org/

UK Trauma Council offers resources to better equip all those supporting children and young people exposed to trauma https://uktraumacouncil.org/

The contents of this article are for the purposes of general awareness only. They do not purport to constitute legal or professional advice. The law may have changed since this article was published. Readers should not act on the basis of the information included and should take appropriate professional advice upon their own particular circumstances.